Let's start with the best moment in my 20 years old life. Since everything that I'm going to write here are all subjective and personal, might as well just write modestly. I don't think I've had one best moment in my life, I think I've had it many times and all of them aren't always big or worth to celebrate. Since I've had too many best moment in my life, I will just write one or two. The first one is when I finally be able to understand how to treat the people I love humanely, it happened like last year. It took me 4 years to learn how to treat people humanely, how to have humanity in me, how to appreciate people, how to cherish people, how to value people. I don't know if it can be called as 'moment' or no, but I think that's one of the best achievement I have. Oh and I think it can be included as my turning point-moment too.
Well that's not something that you do and then you stop once you got it though. I'm still doing it, still learning even until today, and tomorrow, and forever as long as I'm alive. For me, to be able to fight your own self for better things, to be better, is hard and it's like a battle that you're going to go through as long as you're alive. Death is not always ended inside a grave in my opinion. The moment you stop trying to be better for yourself and your surrounding, the moment you stop fighting with yourself for the better is the moment when you're dead. That's your death right there. Your soul dies.
I've been there. I have died. The journey to get back to be alive is rough for me. But the moment I made it back to be alive is so precious and beautiful. I'm proud of myself for that, I need to say thank you to myself though, but I don't think "thank you" can even describe how thankful I am to myself. So I decided to just try taking care of myself, trying to respect myself in this life I'm living in. That's how I thank myself. Again, self-respect requires fight with my own self. So I think you can get what I mean here, right? this whole fighting and battles. I made a small tattoo to celebrate myself as a warrior in my own war zone. It's in Japanese Kanji, it said "senshi" which means "warrior".
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I took this pict fresh an hour later
after the appointment.
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Now let's move to my heart-warming moment, I don't think I have any big heart-warming moment in my life. Oh there was this one time when my ex from 5 years ago gave me a small first-aid box in my birthday. The box was filled with a dozen of alcohol-swab, a small betadine, some cute band-aids, few Promaag tablets and few Panadol tablets.
There was a small note too written inside.
It said "Kamu jangan lecet terus dong, Aku kan worried. Makan yang teratur ud tau punya maag. Sama ada Panadol karena kamu sering sakit kepala"
It was sweet I admit. That really warms my heart. Even now when I'm recalling that memory still warms my heart. I'm still in contact with this person even until today.
Now we're talking about happy moments. Too many. I'm writing this while listening to music is a happy moment already. Being happy doesn't have to be a big thing for me. For me to be able to listen to my favourite playlist with decent earphone or speaker is already a very happy moment. Even when I'm not hungry, when I just ate, it's a happy moment for me.
Moving on to weird moment. I don't know...I think I've had one weird moment in my life. It was when I met a guy and he said he love me. Like, why? we just met for the first time. It was a very super weird experience. I left the guy immediately with proper excuse that time, then I hung out with a close friend right after. That guy even told me to teach him how to be humane. I was like, no. No of course, who are you, man? okay it was nice hanging out with me, you like me, but chill bro I'm not a psychiatrist. It was super weird I kinda regret meeting him. But it was all in the past, it happened last year. I already blocked his contact too.
Now let's move on to frightening moment, I don't think I've had any frightening moment. Maybe when I watched horror movie? it was whatever too I think. I don't have any scary frightening moment. But there is this one thing that I'm always afraid about. I'm afraid of the feeling of being left, and being abandoned. Just that.
Now I'm going to post my poems. (I actually have an Instagram account that posts my writing but I'm just going to put some here).
